]

2012-01-19T23:59:00.001+08:00

hi I want to be your friend

Monday

2012-01-16T21:58:00.003+08:00

Today's the first day of school. Reeeeeally nothing much except for lectures and diagnostic tests going on. The entire day at school was spent freezing in the auditorium, sucks to have not brought a jacket. The school campus is so huge and annoying and suddenly our cohort is like 2x as big :( Although school officially starts on 31st Jan or something today we already had math lectures and to be pretty honest, I think I'll grow to dislike lectures and stuff because I'd much prefer a classroom. sigh need to stop whining. Anyway managed to train a teeeeeny weeny bit after school and meet the juniors :) would have been a rly pleasant meeting but okay I lost my shoebag with my only white pair of school shoes that I was intending to wear with my hongzi for the next few days at least.

Realised I haven't really set any new year resolutions this yr! (but I may just end up trailing off into a rant of some sort). Okay first I need to upupup my tolerance level ^. this is a must. Be patient and follow point one. Be a nerd and study C O N S I S T E N T L Y and try to stick to that. Be less lazy and take more initiative for whatever, whenever. Not be a coward. Sleep earlier. Train hard not be lazy and pekcek if anything happens. Be neater and pack all my stuff (like maybe now). Treat all my friends nicely. Go to church every week. Actually the list will go on and on and on but that's all I have for now.

yesterday was such a terrible day. so tired after everything that happened.
busy busy day ahead and not exactly looking forward to it. at all.

^_^ may tmr be goooooood

2012-01-14T22:34:00.001+08:00

at this rate, I'm gonna be breaking my fingers before I even make something good out of it.
I'm tired. Really really tired.
But I wanna do this right.

No

2012-01-13T21:55:00.001+08:00

Would you hear me out if I said I tried if I said I'd rather go back to that night how much I regret not taking that step not being able to make my decisions. Maybe I won't go this far if I tried but who knows maybe I still would. All I know is I'd be happier and I wouldn't be afraid like I am now. Because I refused to take that step I cannot Ho back and do what I love with people I enjoy. I'm sorry I'm always like that. A coward at best. I hate how today went. How this feeling always overpowers the sucker in me.

Dang.

TWO

2012-01-13T10:52:00.000+08:00

IT'S FRIDAY ALREADY. SCHOOL STARTS ON MONDAY. OR RATHER. IP WEEK STARTS ON MONDAY. WHY WHY WHY.

Crap. It doesn't even feel like I had a holiday at all :< barely remember waking up whenever I felt like it and doing whatever I wanted in the day. Hmm, first few weeks of holiday was like O's then grad night..then somehow I'm not sure where all the time in between disappeared to. Subsequently I got a job at Cold Stone and almost died that week cos of morning training then working from 3-12 and reaching home at 2 > therefore, I quit my job. After that was just training and trials and more trainings then x'mas came along and nothing special happened. Chiangmai was great and then 2012 began and now it's just ..... SCHOOL IS STARTING THIS IS JUST WEIRD. I mean, I haven't even held a pen in ages, and there's like diagnostic tests on the first day of school? whyyyyyyy? :(

Haven't been doing anything at all except getting tanner by the day with trainings almost everyday~ So thankful I managed to meet up with the Coolios on tuesday before training for a mini picnic @ botanic gardens. Wednesday was Uss with the batch but really it was just, the most unfortunate thing that I had to leave early and miss the dinner :( Damn. Gonna go out later on with the coolios again before going for training tonight.

For quite awhile I've been wondering if I really have put too much priority to softball and let it just... I dont know. The many, many people who are so disappointed in me because of the many things I've missed due to trainings and everything. Maybe, just maybe, I did want to go for the things I missed but I couldn't? I did. And I still wish I could. But who would ever know that? It's so easy to be disappointed in a person rather than to understand from their pov, isnt it? Not saying that everybody pls pity me now but like. It hurts. To know. That well. Nevermind.

SIGH. maybe I should just stop playing and get on with life.

O

2012-01-09T21:58:00.002+08:00

O level results came out earlier today!! Must have been really so exciting and nerve wrecking for those who took all the o level papers, not like us cheater bugs who only took hcl :< Quite relieved I don't need to freak out and panic and everything but really thank God hcl was okay! Maybe when I take my A level papers or when I get the results I will really, really freak out, because I haven't really had any major exam that really mattered or something. Psle passed really fast and before that I had already dsaed to ny so it wasn't t h a t important. haha, another reason why I am a cheater bug. I need pull up my socks and buck up already. After today we all got really worried for this year and jc and maybe not so much specifically on the exams but just in general. Scared like crap for this year and how I'm gonna be able to cope with everything :(

wasn't totally hopeful and wouldn't start having any expectations right now!
long week aheadddddd

after oooooooos

Mars

2012-01-08T21:56:00.000+08:00

I really like mars bars. In fact, I just had one. yum ^^

The weekend just totally whizzed past it's hard to imagine I just arrived back in Sg just a few days ago. The whole of Friday was spent either in bed watching tv/sleeping or in front of the refrigerator looking for food. It was a reeally slow day, really thank God I got to rest a little. Saturday I was up and early and headed down for some matches @ kallang and got home some time in the afternoon where I was so exhausted I fell asleep in the car while my mum was talking. Oops. Honestly it was unintentional. Got home and showered and continued sleeping until it was time for dinner then we kinda got home too late after a long (and really filling) dinner. My goal is to sleep by 10pm everyday so that I'll have enough energy to do whatever chicken I need to do :'( anw I slept too late by accident and got up at an unearthly hour of 5.45am this morning > to think school haven't started. Headed to kallang for more matches + pitching clinic and got home after dinner at like 7 plus.

That concludes my really weird weekend. Didn't imagine it to be this busy at all. Anyway glad everything went relatively well. Next week is going to be the same though, super busy. Collecting O level hcl results tmr! I'm not excited at all just really nervous and !!!!!!! yknow?? Already a huge dilemma regarding what subject to take in Jc and I'm just really hoping I don't have the need to take chinese, because that would really suck. But if I get a neither here nor there grade I may reconsider taking. Friends, please smack me in the face if I do take chinese again. Sigh. Hmm what else? Tuesday to saturday is training everyday! Having said that, quite disappointed over what I just found out about wednesday. Kill me now man. really :( is it that I really suck at prioritizing or is it that what is important to me isn't as important to others or maybe it's that theres just way too many things that cannot be compromised for another? Everything kinda seems important to me right now and just a teensy weensy bit scared of jc life and yadaayadaaa. But I know I don't wanna just be stagnant in this state.

okay abrupt ending but my bro bought donuts so bye!

2012-01-07T22:33:00.003+08:00

please tell me where it has gone .....

and how I can do it

so tired!

End of 2011

2012-01-06T21:39:00.002+08:00

Plus start of 2012 was spent in Chiangmai! Overall it was quite a good experience and everything was not bad. Quite thankful I didn't fall (that) sick during the trip and managed to eat well etc. Left for Chiangmai on the 28th and came back on the 5th. Spent new year's eve + new year over there. 2 days of training and 4 days of matches. Weather was quite cooling but the grounds were so hard!

Anyway, just a small glimpse of the trip :>

First night we arrived we took a song tiao to the hotel and checked in! Kinda miss taking the song tiao to the different places and up the mountain. Didn't get to sit in a tuktuk although they were like everywhere! Trainings and comps were at Chiangmai University field and we would walk there everyday and walk back. It wasn't that far but with the equipment it felt 10x worse. Ground at the field was super hard and there were a lot of red ants at the spot where we did our pt. The matches went well and we came in 2nd! Quite a good experience. Screwed up quite a bit but nonetheless still learnt a lot from the trip!

Outside softball. We went for a thai massage! Okay such a horrible experience, glad I tried it once and it'll probably be the last time I would do it. It wasn't thattt bad but it was just painful/awkward/uncomfortable. Expected it to be quite shiok but nothing felt right and couldn't sleep during the massage and when she pressed my neck it hurt real bad and she couldn't stop playing with my cheeks I have no idea why. Night walks to the night market/malls were quite alright! Almost came back empty handed but ended up buying a pillow for myself just for fun. I really regret not buying the wooden keychain thing and maybe more souvenirs for friends but nothing was exceptionally nice so I didn't get anything:/ Oh! I'll miss the 7eleven cheese hot dogs and the random cereal bars and ritz biscuit and dewberry we have for supper. And kpop from different rooms haha. And mass practicing of the dance at the corridor/lift lobby which in the end we didn't even perform. On new year's eve after dinner we walked back to the field to play with fireworks and sparkles and lift lanterns! Really fun experience man. Paintballing on the second last day was quite okay too, except that I was rly bad at it.

this is a song tiao

dinner near the fields

the four sec4s

lantern on new year's eve!

maybe more another day! Really hoped I could have made it for chalet and cca trials and everything but now all is over and lo and behold I'm starting school in another week or so. Scary, no?

In the meantime. I'm dead scared for tomorrow. Sigh!!! Why can't tuesday just come right now? Oh and o level results are gonna be out on Monday. No time to worry about that while I'm worrying about tmr though.. sigh. Really hoping not to screw up or be really awkward.

which will probably happen.oh boy.

photo credits to Esna

Supposedly

2011-12-27T21:33:00.002+08:00

a really exciting week but frankly I'm not as excited as I expected myself to be. Kinda nervous and sad and weird and scared and maybe at the back of all this, just a tinge excited. Haven't packed at all except for 3 pairs of long socks and one jacket!! So frustrated now. It's like training over and over and over and over and this has been my entire holiday schedule and I haven't stepped foot out of sg and have been declining my parents' invitation to go overseas and thus ruining their plans and sometimes I wonder if it's really worth it. Don't think I'm improving or even close to being better and the margin is just so big! Really really really upsetting. It's not that I'm lacking the drive to play........ I want to play! aiyoh.

okay back to packing. so hungry.
can't believe I'm really leaving tomorrow.
and missing chalet.

2011-12-23T20:15:00.002+08:00

pretty upsetting, no?

erschrocken

2011-12-18T22:45:00.004+08:00

Finding Nemo <3

Ni hao.

crazy tiring smelly dirty draining week
A few minutes ago I finally decided to pack all my sec four stuff and shelf them nicely and pack my table and everything but after I arranged half the files into the cupboard and the other half on the floor to arrange I got so lazy so now everything is 2x as messy as before ............................................sigh lazypig

Can't believe I survived the week! Tuesday was Hc training in the morn then rush for lunch and then training again. Can't believe I managed to pick myself up from the state I was in to go for Ny training camp on Wednesday. So damn tired, literally flopped on my bed when I reached home at night. Thursday's schedule was the same as Tuesday's so that leaves 3 full days of training. Had a small little friendly @ Hc on thursday though~ quite a nice change to the usual training. Ignored all aches and Friday was Hc gym but really couldn't take it and slept all the way home + the moment I walked into my room even before I bathed. Yuck so smelly. Saturday was training in the morning and a much-looked-forward-to-lunch. Today as expected was a relatively long day at church then a long visit at the hospital. Yup. That sums up my boring but rather fulfilling week.

Although certain days it was really so bad. (like really so s o bad). I'm glad it's all over and although it's not going to get much better because I wouldn't miraculously improve over a weekend, still nonetheless I've got to try to just accept everything. Super annoying when I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking but can't stop thinking cos I can't sleep so it's just think think think think think damn! Forget it. yup. just train harder lor.

I feel so socially awkward now! I haven't been contacting or meeting any friends because I'm just under the sun all day long/I'm already sleeping cos I'm so tired and drained. It's really annoying when I wasn't even tired but it's what has happened during the day that keeps playing in my mind that kills me all over. Frustrating, no? The week I've been looking forward to for so long is coming soon but I don't really want it to come. All this while it's just been a daydream or purely imagination but it's actually real and I'm not used to that. However I'm just becoming more and more uncertain each day. sigh.

MY LIFE IS SO BORING. WHY IS MY HEAD STILL IN SUCH A MESS!!!!

good lunch tomorrow. yay. (hopefully)

don't really remember this but it must have been such a good memory

ming tian hui geng hao!

Oh, Donna

2011-12-14T21:28:00.001+08:00

sunburnt and tired and haven't packed and really scared and afraid and hungry and fat and ugly and tired and waiting and hoping and unfit and worried and bruised and aching really badly and lousy

Glad. For today.
May tomorrow be a good day.

Isabella: “Are you sweating out of your eyes?” | Buford: “No, I’m just crying.” –Phineas & Ferb

Aiyah. Really frustrated.

2011-12-13T21:26:00.001+08:00

It's not really that too much of something is bad, because the fact is that it's just the first day! really really really I mean, how can it be over (something) when it's just the start of it. can't put my disappointment into proper words or sentences but just, argh. It's not just one thing, it's e v e r y s i n g l e t h i n g e v e r y s i n g l e b a l l and no it's not the zinger that I ate just before trng that refused to digest and make me constantly want to puke nor is it because morning trng and the sun was killing me nor was it anything. It was nothing. It's not that I cannot figure out why it was so bad, I know why. But. why would I want e v e r y t h i n g to go so badly. So so badly. I mean, filling spaces is nothing new. After this year, it's really okay already because it's just what I do, but at least I don't have to make it such a pain for everyone by being so so bad at it. E v e r y t h i n g is wrong. E v e r y t h i n g that could go wrong, went wrong. The zinger didn't make me slow, it's just this frickin mentality that I have killing me. Why am I such a bird brain. No seriously. Why. This damn head needs to stop overthinking/being so freaking scared.

need to redeem myself. really. as much as I know I won't really but

OKAY NO.

NEED TO REDEEM MYSELF. PRONTO.

:( sigh what a bad day. that's all.

2011-12-10T18:21:00.001+08:00

Damn disappointed and frustrated.
Can't let this make me crumble

How should I begin

2011-12-09T21:35:00.001+08:00

this post.

pretty, isn't it?

It's December already, I had this strange feeling that school would never start but actually it's about a month to go plus everything from now on will just pass by really quickly. Quite a dull holiday, to be really honest, but nonetheless trainings have been occupying my time quite well and (hopefully) this will all pay off.

The cookies remind me of christmas. Which is right around the corner. Sigh, it's not that surprising we have absolutely no plans at all and nothing to do and just the three of us rotting away sleeping before it's 12am waking up the next day like nothing special happened when it's c h r i s t m a s and everyone is having a ball of a time out there :( It's not that we don't celebrate christmas, but we don't do anything much, xept go to church. And yeah.... that about rounds up our christmas 'celebration'. How dull. We don't buy/get presents which I don't really mind but the whole atmosphere shouldn't feel like that!!!

Need to wake up at 5.50am tomorrow to leave the house by 6.30am tomorrow to make sure I'm not late but my hair isn't drying argh. Pretty frustrating day actually, cos of my pinky. It's refusing to bend and it's already close to twice/1.5x of my other pinky. Plus I don't know if it's supposed to look this fat and not straight. Silly mistake, really. RECOVER, PINKY, RECOVERR!!!

Hmm, what else? Although we were (supposed) to go for a vacation but since no one in this family is free/cares and plus my grandma is still hospitalized we're cancelling all plans in our heads. But, so thankful for the cm trip to come! Scared. So damn scared, but, it'll be a first! How exciting!

now now, it would just help if my pinky would cooperate, and if I would stop doing silly things like this.

I AM UNPREPARED AND SCARED.

argh. shucks. why is everything about mememememememememe. selfish pot. :( asdfghjkjhgfcxdetydhndcywdgchue

thankful. nonetheless.

Sbinge Sbinge Sbinge Sbinge Sbinge

2011-12-07T12:35:00.001+08:00

is it killing you too?

AIYOH

2011-12-05T23:36:00.001+08:00

so disappointed!

Was initially really sad over the whole resigning thing and qs would understand why. But after today's really awkward/mean/fake encounter, it's just. AIYOH. Why like that?

So tired now! Sleepover at qs's house with xt ys was so fun! The things we did were really weird, but nonetheless it's the last bit of fun we can have before we all split up in JC. I don't even know what subject combi to take. Sigh.

FULFILLING

2011-12-04T00:55:00.001+08:00

It's quite late now! Plus I'm really tired. But I had such a fulfilling day I'm so satisfied and happy even though nothing really special happened. It's just the day in general was good and I have no regrets plus I just made the best decision all week so that's something to be happy about :> I am really happy now!

This week was craaaaazy! I haven't even switched on the television the whole week? Monday was work then visit grandma, tuesday had two trainings, wednesday had work then rush to visit grandma, thursday had two trainings plus visit grandma, friday was training then rush to work then reach home close to 2am, today was training then rush to work and reach home at 12am! But! It's really the most fulfilling day of my week. Made two good decisions and feel so so happy. One was to change my shift to 3pm instead of 11am so that I can make it for training AND work, and secondly was to quit my job with qs. Don't get me wrong haha, working for 4 days and more than 8hrs per day is quite okay, but really stressful. I guess we both couldn't take it but it was a good experience.

Although today's training was relatively short, I don't regret going, not one bit. Despite being super damn tired from sleeping at like 2plus I have no regrets:) Even though I stoned ice cream consecutively non stop for 1hr + 6hr, it was so fulfilling. Really. We're both quite sad to leave and really felt so b l a h, but we wouldn't appreciate everyone there if we haven't decided to leave. Makes sense? Yayyyy now I'm jobless but slightly more freeeeeeee!!! Kinda sad to leave but it's okay~

Super busy week of my holiday is over! Next week it's just play training training play training training training play training play. I don't know if all the training and training and training is worth it but I'm hoping I'll improve and everything. blah. sigh. Okay. I have to train hard. Ignore all the pain ignore everything. I don't know whether theres a purpose for all this but hopefully everything will work out okay. The days of flyballs landing on my head will be over. O V E R. Sigh. Okay I shall not expect so much.

Aching so terribly my arms and legs are sore. Can't believe I stood from 5-11plus. Nonetheless I've no regrets for today!

really tired right now................................................. really tired......

Fan2

2011-12-01T23:27:00.001+08:00

a fly just flew into my drink.
should I eat more bread now?

Need to cut all the complaining. It's a really busy week but

shit I totally forgot to pack my things and I can't remember why I'm sitting out here with my laptop. I need to set my alarm at 6.50am for tomorrow. again.

okay now I remember. I needed to wait for my hair to dry and then set alarm then pack my stuff and memorize the mix ins.

I am honestly really tired.

C'mon

2011-11-26T00:29:00.001+08:00

crap I'm out here like an idiot because I'm scared to sleep because I know I'll ache when I wake up. What a ridiculous excuse. I haven't been up and the silence is something so peaceful that I can't get in the day. But I'm really sleepy I should get my butt to bed already. So disgusting I'm so good at complaining and that's all I do man. rdytuciuwdiuvwnvuibwdivwnvnw9vnw9vw9ocnaoicnasokncsc byebye

Really Maybe Surely

2011-11-25T19:33:00.001+08:00

crazy. and bored. maybe tired. or sleepy.
I feel like having a pancake. Or waffle.

Jeeez, I'm really tired. This whole week has been really painful I guess. Quite glad it's friday already, but I suspect next week will be even worse. Sigh. Everyday is just wake up blocked nose drag myself out of bed bathe runny nose go for training eat lunch sit on a lonely train go for training pack up find a way to have dinner drag myself back, at least for tuesdays and thursdays that is. Softball softball softball, but yet it just seems to be getting worse by the day and there hasn't been any improvement at all. Every time it just makes me feel less sure of what I'm doing and finding more and more mistakes. Plus it just seems like I'm more and more alone and unsure. With everything I'm doing it just seems that I'm feeling crappier and all. I want to go for ny training and I can't because everything just seems to clash. (plus, won't it be like a traitor). Sigh. Train harder train harder train harder. All the bruises no matter how bad or how painful don't seem to matter that much because it feels so awful when I can't just do something right. Ignore the sun ignore the rain and try real hard to ignore the flu. So drained already, stamina and fitness really so lousy, what can I do now. Gosh, sometimes I can be quite a loser. Scared as hell and just can't seem to do it. Just more and more alone.

can't believe my nightmare came true yesterday. argh

really really frustrated

A Little Longer

2011-11-21T20:03:00.001+08:00

don't wanna spend all my time thinking and thinking and trying and figuring out what I want and how much I want it.

-
I dont wanna be afraid.

X

2011-11-20T20:18:00.001+08:00

this whole week has been so stressful sigh

Bitter

2011-11-18T22:20:00.001+08:00

2011-11-17T22:21:00.001+08:00

Are you crying?
No, I'm just sweating through my eyes.

what a day.
can't believe I'm such a loser

Leap

2011-11-16T12:47:00.001+08:00

We have graduated!! last last friday was so emotional and odd all around even though we knew we would see each other for o's the next week. Got our certs, testimonials and report book after level closure then school ended and we left school before going back for grad ceremony. Haha coolios went for steamboat then went back early to hang around take pictures then the ceremony! It went well I guess but after that it was just ~~~~~~~~~

it was really sad
do you know that?
sigh

Then after o's we had grad night and as mentioned before it was fun~~~~~

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
oh, the flu bug sucks. it's been here for more than a week! Yesterday was quite crazy, training in the morning and training in the afternoon and the worst part of it was the FLUUUU oh my :( it was really so awful to train in that condition and I'm really hoping tomorrow won't be the same. Went to the doctor a g a i n today and today I'm gonna try to drink more water and hopefully not die. The holiday isn't really exciting and I've nothing to look forward to but I really don't want next year to come because I'm really horrible at adapting to a new everything. Plus, I don't really wanna adapt to anything :(

Sbinge. But it'll really take a long time to get on track
long long long long time and it may not even ...................

okay I should really take a nap if I wanna survive another two trainings tomorrow.

101111

2011-11-13T23:34:00.001+08:00

I am so annoying. I keep typing posts until they're really long and saving photos then uploading them here but ultimately throwing the whole post into the trash because I'll reach this breaking point when I feel real sad about, everything.

Anyway, this is a post because I haven't had a proper one in awhile! Grad night was really fun, even though a tad rushed. Completed O's in the afternoon at around 12plus then rushed for lunch then home to bathe and pack all my stuff and off we all went. Had to pack twice as fast because I didn't pack for my sleepover the night before and couldn't find the stuff + decide what shoes to go with the grad night stuff and all the girly elements yadaa yknow? Plus! There was this stupid problem about bringing a bag pack, and ending with a dress. -- That aside, we arrived at Peiling's house around 4pm and started mass rehearsing and planning all the last min stuff! We rushed to Marriott by 6pm for stage rehearsals and stuff in our outfits and got super. nervous. Blah then after all that we changed into our night clothes and appeared as if nothing happened~ then dinner came and the first two courses were served then we silently disappeared to change in the toilet which was such a hassle and I was so clumsy all over then we started doing preparing everything! I don't know if the teachers/students in our cohort expected us to turn out like that but haha the entire process + outcome was really cool.

how we started out a few months back?

and finally how it turned out for Grad Night

There's still a lot of photos in like, people's cameras and facebook and all that! I hope everyone will upload it soooon before they go for gcp. Can't believe I was so lazy to bring a camera for graduation day/ceremony/night. Sigh. The video on facebook was so funny - even though it missed out the very first bit I'm so glad someone took a video if not we wouldn't be able to remember it next time :( I can't find many photos for grad night, so that'll have to wait ~

okay. that'll have to do. before I type more and delete this whole post.

/xfingers rly don't wanna decide wts

Waffles, anyone?

2011-11-09T18:20:00.003+08:00

Undecided.

After a whole long night of rubbish, and maybe an additional morning of it, I am still undecided, uncertain, and undoubtedly frustrated.

Sigh.

And needless to say my progress for Chinese is at an all time s l o w p a c e and my attempt of studying out was futile because I was feeling so unwell I just had to grab lunch and come back home. I don't like being sick- much less when I know I have stuff to do, or like a major exam tomorrow. Speaking of which, it doesn't even feel like it's an O level paper. It barely even feels as important as an eoy paper...or an official exam for that matter. I know I didn't prepare much and have been spending most of my time on something I don't even know how much I want it now but nonetheless I'll just hope for the best. Which sadly, isn't going to happen. Oh yeah. And, what if I oversleep tomorrow? That'll be terrible.

Honestly,
What makes you happy?

2011-11-08T21:13:00.002+08:00

“Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back. That’s part of what it means to be alive. But inside our heads - at least that’s where I imagine it - there’s a little room where we store those memories. A room like the stacks in this library. And to understand the workings of our own heart we have to keep on making new reference cards. We have to dust things off every once in awhile, let in fresh air, change the water in the flower vases. In other words, you’ll live forever in your own private library.”

—	Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

EVERYONE HATES ME TODAY

2011-10-31T19:57:00.001+08:00

Seriously
beats me I don't know why
last and only chance and it rained like no tomorrow just 30min before school ended.

bummer.

dad flew off last night and is probably somewhere in London now and going to Philadelphia to tuan yuan with my mum and then to New York and don't know where and it's snowinggggggg *

can't wait till I reach home tomorrow.
:(

2011-10-29T23:30:00.001+08:00

WHY AM I BRUISING AND ACHING EVERYWHERE?

SUCKSSSSS

I DON'T WANNA BE ALONE NEXT WEEK

I THINK IM GOING CRAZY

NIGHT

LESS

2011-10-29T23:25:00.001+08:00

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WEIGH WHAT'S IMPORTANT NOW?
:(((((((((((((((((((((((

CHINESE O'S SOFTBALL SLEEP PLAY

WHY CAN'T I BE LESS DUMB LESS WEAK ZZZZZ.... I'M BLOWING THIS UP FOR MYSELF. POOOOOOF:(

IM SO SCARED DO YOU UNDERSTAND

S l o w down

2011-10-28T22:06:00.000+08:00

I am happy :> or so I think. Anyway, I know this strange happy feeling will only last a day. After that, I don't even know. We've gotten back everything already. So fast. I shall accept my grades and move on and not be yayapapaya/demoralised because it's done already. Can't say I studied the most I could for eoys but wouldn't say I didn't try. It's just..... OKAY NEVERMIND.

I don't want to graduate next week, noooooooooo :( It's making me so grumpy, I don't want to graduate, I just wanna sit here and let time pass and come back to ny next year and not go to jc or something. I really love this school and the 4 years have been somewhat interesting but at the end of it all we know we'll miss it. Haha, so damn cliche right. So glad my grades aren't like sec one! Still remember how horrid it was and how I got 40/120 for math eoys. Crazy. I thought yesterday and today would be really bad and it'll be super busy cos I needed to collect lots of stuff but everything turned out okay. Busy, but still alright. I DON'T WANNA GRADUATE :( Came such a long way man. L o n g way.

Mad adventure after school with A and H because we decided to catch a show at 3.10pm but out of the blue there was a jam and we alighted at Newton to take a train and ran all the way to catch the train despite our muscleaches everywhere. Reached somerset and ran again up the escalator and across the road and up to the box office. It was like 3.16pm and only first two rows left so we decided not to watch. So much for running all the way hahaha, in the end we ached even more.

Would actually be nice to know if I tried my best then everything will be okay. Boo. Okay my happy feeling is gone. I'm so scared once again. These few days have been like that. S c a r e d. Nevermind.

On a sidenote, I hope I don't oversleep for O's I hope I dont!!!!!

Skies are crying

I am watching

Catching teardrops in my hands

Only silence as it's ending, like we never had a chance

Do you have to, make me feel like there is nothing left of me?

Fast Forward

2011-10-27T21:20:00.001+08:00

blueberry waffle, please?

Deepavali

2011-10-26T21:44:00.001+08:00

One of the best post exam days; had a really good time with c and c heehee. Ate like a whale but so satisfied. Sadly the day took a slight twist but it's getting back on track.

But right now I'm just trying to break out of this barrier I set for myself. Sigh what a bummer.

Photos another day!
Tmr sucks pork :(

Crumpy

2011-10-25T16:41:00.001+08:00

Should've trained today :|

Queasy

2011-10-23T21:13:00.000+08:00

My biggest fear was part of my dream last night. Maybe it wasn't the thing I am most afraid of in my life, but it's the kind of situation I would never like to happen. Scared. I thought the memories are fading away like an evening shadow, somewhere hidden at the back of my memory. Somehow, it's all slowly coming back. It's really frustrating, because no matter how good or bad those were, it's just memories now. No matter what you do, how you try again, you can never have a situation where you'll experience anything exactly the same as that, the adrenaline rush, the everything. I'm trying to chuck all these beautiful memories away and leave them as they are, somewhere at the back of my head but it just can't. stop. coming. back. Even in the middle of the day when I'm doing nothing or just having lunch it will pop! Appear all over again. How queer.

A lot has been happening these marking days. Well actually at the same time, nothing is happening. Everything is just in this head of mine, and I really hate how weak I am. W e a k. That doesn't even seem like a strong enough word to describe all the mind games I've been playing with myself, fooling around with this brain, damaging my own body and soul. I don't even know what is happening in my life right now. I'm confused, even. Everyday there is just this pang of guilt and awful feeling overpowering me and I will just feel like crap going to sleep each night. In fact, it's so darn difficult to fall asleep at night, I don't even know what is going on. I can lie in bed and just sit there for hours and it hurts so bad and I don't even dare to make a sound in case I wake someone up.

Hohoho..... life's gonna get a little lonelier now. She's been gone for slightly less than a month already, and he'll be going off this Sunday. Boo.

Did I mention how scared I am?

And I really hope I'll stop being sick already. Just wanna dig my stomach out right now. Nah, just joking. It's cool.

Why am I always so socially awkward?

I can't stand it, this looks too good.

it's monday tomorrow ~~~~~

2011-10-22T19:06:00.001+08:00

Something's happening

;
save me

Ever

2011-10-21T18:28:00.003+08:00

It hasn't been this bad. Ever. That was one of the worst I've ever been, if not the worst. Got to set right whats more important for me. And if I can't do it, then that's too bad.

For whats more important.

Scared

2011-10-20T23:02:00.000+08:00

because I'm not good enough

"All fled- all done, so life me on the pyre; The feast is over, and the lamps expire"

2011-10-15T21:14:00.003+08:00

I admit defeat already. Totally wasted my entire day trying to study. Did so many hours of physics and suddenly, I started thinking. And you know what? I don't even think I learnt anything. Felt so horrid, and I needed to constantly fight back my own tears for nothing. Spoke to my mum over the phone and I felt like crying so badly but not like anyone would understand. Ended up tearing a little and it was so embarrassing because I was out alone.

So frickin useless. Can't get any science stuff in my head and I always screw up all my sciences. Hand in my stupid assignments and come back with red marks all over it. WRONG WRONG WRONG. and no corrections whatsoever cos they were never discussed cos I seem to be the only one who doesn't get it. Sigh. I have no time and I keep screwing things up.

Why am I not sensible? Why couldn't I have done the right thing? Why? Why? Why? This sucks. I should never make friends. I always end up causing others to be hurt. Or just.

Such a freaking spoilt brat.
A crybaby at that.

No one even reads this. It's such a dead place. I keep deleting this place for fun.

Everyone is gone now;

What's another night all alone?

When your spending everyday on your own
And here it goes
I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid, I know that it's not fair
Nobody cares, cause I'm alone and the world is
Having more fun than me
Tonight...
And maybe when the night is dead, I'll crawl into my bed
Staring at these 4 walls again
I'll try to think about the last time, I had a good time
Everyone's got somewhere to go
And they're gonna leave me here on my own and here it goes

2011-10-12T17:49:00.001+08:00

Pooey :(

Saturday

2011-10-08T22:58:00.001+08:00

And I'm so sleepy my eyelids keep falling down but I've not rly done anything the whole day just accompanying my dad and stuff and now that dinner's over and I wanna do some work I'm rly rly tired. Today sucked and I don't know what to do! felt like bursting into a million bits and eat waffles and sit here and rot and make sure I roll around in my own pile of garbage so no one could recognize me and I could wallow in my own self pity and I don't know just roll around more and watch the sunset and wait for time to go by and someday we'll all die and tadaaaaaaaa.

Anyway. I am really sleepy.
This is Horrid.

Garbage

2011-10-05T22:24:00.001+08:00

I am garbage.

2011-09-28T22:06:00.001+08:00

Secret

2011-09-24T23:47:00.000+08:00

so freaking ashamed of what kind of useless fool I am, I swear I know that I'm not gonna do this right. and even when it really is right it really isn't. ruined my own birthday by being such an asshole the entire day. and for this whole week. or all my life for that matter. It's getting easier by the day just so shake everything off by just smiling at people. But somehow yesterday I couldn't. felt so horrible because my dad put in so much effort just to make me happy and there I am being the unfilial unappreciative daughter just doing my own thing and making the whole night a mess. How could I do that couldn't I think? my mum's leaving in 6 days and going off for like 6 weeks and that's a freaking long time and here I am wasting my last weekend doing absolutely nothing. Being so rude all the time to everyone and just always thinking Im right. thats how it all ends. thats why it always ends. I hate studying and I hate being such a hypocrite asking my close friends to study when I know I dont want to to and the stuff i need to do has been accumulating like a ginormous mountain of rubbish. hate how Im supposed to be well. anything but this. wasting my frickin time looking at their blogs of what I rly wanted to do and wanted to be then and there but just couldnt freaking prioritize and now the opportunity is gone and gone forever.

all these nights I've been sitting here holding back my tears wondering what has gone wrong when its really just me; and I know it.

2011-09-23T19:01:00.001+08:00

I'm supposed to be happy today, no?

2011-09-22T19:02:00.001+08:00

Joke. Physics quiz Chemistry quiz Ih lecture Chinese supp Bom proposal due all tmr.
What a busy day to end off a dreadful wk 2 :/

And I am not even home yet until quite late today? By the time I study for the 2 quizzes and do Chinese supp hw and edit proposal it'll be like. Late :(

my thoughts are frickin messed up now agh okay do work cmon!!! But it's not like there's much to look forward to after eoys.. I'll be all alone and all alone for grad and o's and all.

So freaking pathetic

2011-09-21T20:28:00.001+08:00

isn't it.

Paper Thin

2011-09-17T02:43:00.001+08:00

No motivation whatsoever and just really tired everyday. It's so late right now but all I've accomplished today looks like nothing at all to me. Wish I was a hardcore mugger that started longggg ago and had the brains to absorb everything in at one go. Took close to 4 hrs just to write out another topic and that's just.... Writing and reading, not even at the memorizing stage yet. Wasn't even distracted and I took that long, and this happens all the time. How discouraging. If I don't make it I just don't. Weird kind of worried. Frankly I'm just gonna shut up and try to study because I wouldn't even say that I've tried hard enough yet. Okay set.

Cranky. Tired. Short nap became super long. Dinner alone. Again. Such a lousy friend. Such is me. Terribly annoyed at myself.

Bye goodnight

We're living just to find emotion.

T

2011-09-13T18:02:00.001+08:00

I am so tired. And sleepy.
Supposed to have a 30min nap to get rid of my headache but I ended up not sleeping.

I'm really tired and school's so l o n g :( Stayed back for chinese mock paper today and almost died halfway. I don't know what's wrong. Had lunch at like 5pm.

Super tired right now what's wrong with me man seriously?
Spent yesterday trying to study and I eventually did. Actually, I did! But the worst thing that made me so .. well, I mean, how could I take so so SO LONG just to write the stuff out and not even get it into my brain yet? Today was such a horrid day and I felt so guilty but of course well..

All things shall pass.

Hopefully after dinner I'll be more awake to do something :(

2011-09-09T00:42:00.001+08:00

Sorry for being useless.I'm sorry.I hate this wtf is wrong with me.

weird day

2011-09-07T22:07:00.002+08:00

slept at 2

woke up at 5 for nothing like I always do

slept again

woke up at 8

ate breakfast

fell asleep

woke up at 10.45

did a bit of work

watched tv

ate lunch

fell asleep

woke up at 4

watched tv

did a bit of work

ate dinner

fell asleep

watched tv

did a bit of work

now for a little more work before tv.

I. hate. waking. up. in. the. middle. of. the. night. :(

Undskyld

2011-09-06T22:50:00.000+08:00

can't help you can't help you can't help you can't help you don't know how to don't know how to don't know how to don't know how to don't know how to what is happening please don't tell me because I don't know how to help you just can't just can't

true that.

stop coughing and waking up at 4.30 out of the blue plsthanks.

Cos we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late, and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

If only

2011-09-05T23:36:00.001+08:00

I hate it when I feel like shit writing my journal about what I miss.If only I kept a journal at the start of this year. Then maybe now I can look back and smile because I know what exactly happened how I felt deep deep down inside and remember all the lousy times and good times I went through. Now it's like demensia just that worse because I'm really sad I can't remember those things that were so, so important to me. All I remember was what happened but not precisely how it was.Maybe if I kept a journal at the start of the year I could look back and see what a lousy friend I was.Its matters so much to me, that no matter what has changed I still keep rereading the 2010 sbjournal no matter how stupid I sounded. Lalalala I guess I'll just have to continue forgetting everything slowly. I'll do whatever it takes to repeat 2011 again. It's been. So different- good and bad but I really wanna do it one more time. I can't assure that I'll be any better this time round but I'm rly gonna appreciate it a whole lot more. Why is it September already? It's like really fast I don't wanna graduate nor go to jc. Hahaha what a joke I just keep complaining. I hope I get to buy bubble tea tmr and bk fries. And maybe I'll remember to post a funny video hahahahahahAnd I should stop watching cartoons.hungry;

I heard you say

2011-09-04T21:58:00.000+08:00

And so, Sally can wait

She knows it's too late as we're walking on by

Her soul slides away

But don't look back in anger

I heard you say

Take me to the place where you go

Where nobody knows

Where nobody knows if it's night or day

No actually I realized I've no guts not to study but I'm stupid enough to think that's a pretty tempting idea.

Okay, time to get a grip on myself. This is a really bad holiday. I just want to sleep. And play :(

Just the two of us

2011-09-04T00:10:00.002+08:00

i f only-

Spent the entire day with my dad.
Caught Cars2 itoday, and it was so embarrassing cos the entire theatre (and I seriously mean entire) was filled with parents plus their young kids and theres my dad and I. Haha. Fell asleep on the way home because the jam was so bad and then fell asleep at home again. Woke up feeling like poop because I regretted sleeping for so long instead of doing what I intended to do. Then again, whats new ~~~~~

Okay pork man. maybe I rly should stop playing sb and join something else and pick up golf and everyone would be happy ladeedum. Is it just me or is it a really long weekend?

I think my thoughts are really incoherent now I feel like dancing around

no

actually I'm so disappointed that it's not even of the slightest importance hahahahaha

no it's not even funny

lalala if I had the guts I wouldn't study for eoys at all

and actually nobody will know

but that's just being more stupid than I am and anyway I don't have the guts

I TOTALLY FORGOT TO WATCH MY TV SHOW

okay this is really frustrating I don't even get why the show is still showing and I just wanna sleep because I keep waking up in the middle of the night like how I woke up at 4.30 am to tweet about how I keep waking up it's like a neverending cycle and I wanna run away some day and just buy an oven and bring it around and my watch strap broke boohoo should I watch tv now or should I sleep but I may wake up super late tomorrow but it's like vbc anniversary but lalalaa I think tomorrow will be a wasted day I don't really like how inefficient I am because my attention span is so short but i take so long to do something so by the time I'm done it's like

OKAY BYE TV TIME HMPH:(

Let's just go somewhere far away and never come back

2011-09-01T22:15:00.003+08:00

Oh, it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real
--------------------------------------
Oh, what are we doing?
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When it's too late, too late

Oh, it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay
-------------------------------------

/Should be doing something useful now instead of doing stupid stuff and making myself feel like asdfghjkl. Shouldn't have read some stuff and now it's like. Well. It's horrid isn't it? I would sleep now but I feel guilty for not doing anything, and furthermore I took a nap just now. Also, because of my nap I forgot to wake up and left the guy that took my dog for a spa waiting outside the door. Sorry. So annoyed I hate it when I can't sleep. And it took a lousy 1+ hr for me to fall asleep last night, and the headache didn't help. The last I checked the time before I slept was like 1.30am? It's fine with me. But it's not okay when I keep waking up in the middle of the night. THIS KEEPS HAPPENING I FEEL LIKE BASHING MYSELF. The night before I woke up thrice, and last night I woke up once. But I stayed awake for like half and hour. So technically I took two 2hr naps.

I'm really hungry. it was such a lousy cold dinner alone.

sigh and I thought I'll be rly missing it but it's just merely a t h o u g h t after all pooooo. I wanna go taiwan. Not because of the place or whatever or the fact that I'll be alone in sg. I just wanna go there to spend one last. good. week. with you guys.

argh I'm the most selfish pig on earth.

Dusty Record

2011-08-29T23:38:00.003+08:00

Antoinette

The whole weekend was s o w a s t e d. Not that I didn't wanna do anything but just that after we leave the house we just don't ever seem to come home (until much later in the night). Actually it was quite a nonsense weekend because all I remember was just being angry and fighting everyday and being so unfilial and demanding and irritating and annoying and useless and stupid and okay shutup.

Hoho anyway today I was supposed to collect my passport from ica and it took so long! :( We took a queue number to find out I had to wait for another like 241 more numbers to go and then we went to eat and went back and still had like 120+ more to go. Sat there and fell asleep on my dad's shoulder. How embarrassing. The actual thing at the counter took only 1min. Had a pretty good tea at Antoinette after that so all's good. But I reached home pretty late so I was kinda peeved at the whole idea but did a little bio. little.

(okay I got really distracted here but)

okay conclusion of my weekend + today.

super.

slow.

what an abrupt ending.

26

2011-08-26T22:52:00.002+08:00

Hohoho I'm super cold but I haven't even turned on the air-con, and even my hair is standing~ Today was such a wasted day, x-country was cancelled so we went to buy gifts instead but walked around for so long and got really tired and couldn't stop coughing so I took a bus home and the moment I got up and sat down... like within 30seconds after the bus drove off from the bus stop, I fell asleep. For a full 40 minutes. Must have been so tired. Dad picked me up from the bus stop to drive into the house and I fell asleep again although it was about a 2minute ride. Bathed and left the house for a 3.5hour dinner. So tired right now and I shouldn't have had the ice cream cake cos now I have random coughing fits.

Because of all my sleeping/walking around/eating, I haven't accomplished much (or anything actually) today. Okay it's 11.04pm gonna start doing something useful. N o w.

2011-08-22T21:09:00.002+08:00

Monday

~broken pieces of a barely breathing story

2

2011-08-18T16:12:00.004+08:00

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind.

we've gotten back everything except IH ladeedum

tired;

2011-08-16T21:31:00.001+08:00

get to school everyday and feel like

what am I doing here

the guilt will hit me somehow.

I know it will.

but until then......................

TV TIME!!!

TIME TO PLAY!

Bad Thoughts

2011-08-15T15:11:00.001+08:00

Never thought I'd be entirely overcome with this thought but;
I really really REALLY don't want to study for eoys.

Stars Collide

2011-08-14T16:22:00.003+08:00

1. Couldn't sleep last night, but I woke up at 6 out of the blue :(

2. Sick again, but at least I'm recovering so I can go to school tomorrow.

3. Sigh, are we getting back more papers this week?

I know time's running out now
But we'll hold back the sun somehow
See the sky?
We've still got tonight
We've still got tonight

2011-08-12T23:54:00.001+08:00

I'm such a mean person.

Just In Case

2011-08-10T09:57:00.009+08:00

No particular reason for this photo, it just popped up, but I really miss everyone so much! Like srsly. So glad I managed to catch up w Jingyi over sending emails and stuff and jc life just seems so different. Plus it's super busy. I miss training and having my saturday's having to wake up early and for some reason I'll always wake up earlier than I do for school :> Although I'll be really tired after training and I'll fall asleep on the floor after I come home I've never really found it a bother and stuff it's always been... part of what I do already. Sometimes I think it's easier than waking up at 6plus for school. And for the past 4yrs my saturday lunches have always been w softballers and they've always been the best. I miss eating at pizza hut every other saturday w jy and mh last yr and coro w coz nat ls ali bev this yr. Somehow everything is fading away already, just like how after June changes last year everything is just different. At least all this prolonged till August this time round.

I think I'll just have to let go and everything although I'll really miss it super damn much. Since sec1 it's really all that's been really exciting in my life and although every adjustment we had there have been really awkward times and changes and more changes but after awhile it'll all work out and even though we don't feel it when we look back we do miss it, don't we? I hope I'm not the only one hanging on to this love for the team, I know right now it's going to slowly pass or maybe one wk later it's gonna hit me in my face but I know that's alright because it's 4 years well spent and I will do anything just to relive it again. Although because of sb I've missed out on lots of stuff, but if I were to do it again I know I'll still make the same decision I did.

I really wanted so badly to go overseas tgt with nysb it was kind of the highlight for this year that we were all looking forward to. Although the opportunity is gone and there's probably no next time cos it's our last yr with nysb, I just hope chalet at the end of the yr would be one I'll never forget. Maybe after Jc I'll only look back at Jc life and forget all my memories in Ny but I really hope that doesn't happen so hopefully one day I'll look back at this post again.

Perhaps only another 2-3 more trainings before I finally stop going. Maybe I've been super extra and like, just trying to make myself believe these moments would last forever but I guess not. I hope the next 2 trngs would be fun ^o^ But nonetheless I hope I can go.......although it'll be super weird going late cos of cca cert check and chinese remedial ladeedum :(

--------------------------------------
That aside, the national day holiday was quite well spent I'm already plunging into holiday mood and slacking away. The weekend was rly boring but Monday school was quite fun:) Sec 4s played traditional games and 407 won 1st place for 3/4 of the games!! Had alot of food and had alot of fun although we only had 2/3 of the class haha.

Yesterday was really dull and boring so I decided to pack my Sec3 and 4 stuff so that it's easier for me to study etc but halfway through I went out with my Dad and he was just so sweet but now everything on my table is a mess :( Okay gonna continue packing tonight or something.

I'm kinda scared to get my block test results back but it'll just come so faster come!!!! Then we can get over it and move on to study for eoys.
--------------------------------------
I kinda miss, well

you have to admit, aw looks damn happy here.

zh ll sy yall will never see this but see you guys laterrr <3

this is such a long post!!!!

I hope tomorrow will be a good day! Although not much is going on~

Thank God for all the wonderful people around me :)

For Abigail,

2011-08-08T22:41:00.003+08:00

Happy 16th Birthday Abigail Lim!

I know the picture's pretty old but I really miss those times haha. Hope you had a great sixteenth birthday and that your roses didn't die <3 glad you enjoyed this morning, we love you!

ps: remember to update your myspace page and create friendster haha

Silhouettes In Sunsets

2011-08-06T22:30:00.004+08:00

it sucks to know that you're the one that's afraid to let go because you're scared of losing everything,

it sucks to know that you're not making up your mind because you're just afraid to go, and you're afraid to be alone

it sucks to know that you've never really told them because you're afraid to disappoint them

it sucks to know that you don't dare to say something because you're afraid the words won't come out right

you're just afraid, aren't you?

and all these questions that you've no answer to.

If I had a plane, where would I fly to?

If I had to use my brain for something else, tell me what would I do?

Aftermath

2011-08-02T19:21:00.003+08:00

Math and Biology.

I don't know ---

Ih and Physics tomorrow, I don't mean to whine/rant but sigh, my two worst subjects together? How I wish I was actually good at both of them ~ nevermind. If I studied like 10x harder then maybe I'll pass but I didn't really... Okay sigh. And I don't know how to split my time between the two because I don't know how to study for ih and physics is just..... Why bother alreadyyyy

I'll buy myself a waffle if I pass.

Or maybe I'll take a 12 hr nap.

Just joking.

// cool how nice just recalled how freaking terrible my sec1 bt2 was with almost single digits for the papers hoho how nice.
Okay no that sucked. So badly.

2011-07-31T20:43:00.000+08:00

o k a y k i n d a s c a r e d

How?

2011-07-30T01:36:00.004+08:00

It's 1.58am why am I not sleeping? I don't like sleeping late because I don't understand why I'm not sleeping because the night is meant for sleeping! But I took a nap after I came home, at least that was satisfying... sort of.

There's very little time left to study, and I'm really very sleepy now to get anything done. Lessons today were still bearable but I just kept falling asleep during physics argh @#$%^&*! stupid chloe. But I always do badly for physics -and no it's not cos I sleep, I didn't use to be like that. Sigh. What to do what to do?

9. I can't find my highlighter.

This weekend is actually pretty packed even though suddenly I've nothing softbally to do :( It just feels kinda weird and I don't want it to forever be like that. What if I stop playing forever and ever and ever? And one day I'll look back and regret everything. So scary. Anyway, I hope I can wake up tomorrow morning and get things done so that I'll have enough time. Pray hard that happens.

o h y e a h.

First time in 4 years that my parents know I've blocks. Why must they tell them? So kpo :( Felt so irritated because I didn't know what to do and everything and like 'huh you have exams??!!!' but in the end no one cared and no one is helping me so forget it... seriously.... it didn't make much of a difference now that they know. Not like they know the school system at all.... and even know I've to take hcl o's.... or even what is msg.....

s i g h.

it's 2.07am okay goodnight.

Nothing is impossible when you put your trust in God;

Nothing is impossible when you're trusting in His Word.

Hearken to the voice of God to thee;

"Is there anything too hard for Me?"

Then put your trust in God alone and rest upon His Word;

For ev'rything, O, ev'rything, yes ev'rything is possible with God.

What Day Is It Today?

2011-07-27T19:57:00.005+08:00

–noun

loss of a large block of interrelated memories; complete or partialloss of memory caused by brain injury, shock, etc.

1. Some weeks back (or maybe a few days? I can't remember), I left my glove in a bus. Almost said bye to it forever. And I didn't even notice until....well, 2hours later?

2. Yesterday I forgot what time something started, somehow subconsciously I thought it started at 7pm. So at 6.20pm I was happily thinking we were really early. Actually it started at 6pm, and I knew that. I just....didn't know it. Get it?

3. And I forgot what day it was yesterday..... Like I kept thinking and thinking for about 2minutes, and I just really cannot recall! How peculiar :/ So, is today Wednesday? Or is it just my imagination?

4. I lost my whole stack of vectors notes. Plus the foolscap which I did my cdws on. It didn't really matter because I didn't know how to do it anyway.... but nonetheless I went to photocopy another set during lunch. And that's when someone found my notes. So I killed around 1/9000 of a tree out of nothing.

5. I wrote down the answer for a vector somewhere..... And then..... I just couldn't find it.

6. I brought my dad's phone to school today instead of mine... which is quite funny actually, because I didn't notice until I was in class. Luckily he drove back to collect his phone if not I'll be getting a big scolding like.... when he comes home. Speaking of that, why is no one back yet? :(

7. I can't find my pencil.

I wasn't like that last time! I don't recall losing my worksheets or stationery or equipment before... :( Why like that? I'm so puzzled actually. Maybe I'll start forgetting my name, and forgetting where I live and I'll just roam around the streets looking for food to eat, and I'll forget what I like to eat and I'll forget why I'm roaming about so I'll just sit under a big tree and wait for something somehow. Heehee did I just rhyme? no haha. But this is really odd.

This is such a busy week. Actually not really. Physics spa is over, but there's Bio spa tomorrow...and panel discussion on Friday.. and lotsa other stuff. Are block tests next week? Or one week more? Sigh I don't think I can finish studying... and even if I do finish (which I won't) I won't do well anyway.

8. I was about to type something and I just forgot what it was.

Why am I so tired? I keep dozing off in class... and that's really bad. I used to think it was really bad and how could anyone sleep in class? There's like someone in front of you doesn't the guilt just kill you? Until I realised that I'm such a bad person too. Sigh. Okay. I'm sorry. I don't mean it. What kind of student leader am I man........

cdiv second round tmr, all the best juniors! you may not have the best draw, but just play your best and leave the diamond with no regrets!

so why am I regretting?

Ladeedum this is such a long post.

okay bye

RR

2011-07-25T23:51:00.002+08:00

1. I'm spending too much time sorting my stuff, arranging my stuff etc and not studying!

2. Plus, I think this week I'll just be busy either revising for some quiz/spa/panel prep that I won't have time to study

3. I'm quite hungry now

4. No training tomorrow for me and it feels so. damn. weird. :( in a bad way... I guess

5. Nevermind just got to get used to it because the last is already over

6. Screwed up Sunday like crazyyyy

7. I hope I've time to finish revising through everything, haven't even started IH at all?

8. damn, my physics is like.....cmi already :(

9. Okay enough of this I should go to sleep

10. sudden but..................

thinking back, I won't miss it for anything. 2010, 2011, so what if they weren't good matches? I would be regretting right now if I had gone for invest. haha, what a sudden thought.

2011-07-24T16:44:00.002+08:00

Fever. Stomachache. Headache. Sunburn. Bruises all over. I really really don't wanna go to school tomorrow. I'm freaking exhausted Im falling asleep with each moment that I'm trying to study. This really stinks :(

I'm so so sleepy but I have to do some work before sleeping or else I've no time at all

2011-07-23T21:12:00.001+08:00

2011-07-22T22:40:00.002+08:00

Happy 16th Birthday Annette!

I don't think you'll ever see this, but nonetheless I hope you had a great birthday :)

does it look anything like 'HAPY BDAY ANET'? hahaha

We love you!

---------------------------

Today's such a hardcore day! Lessons all the way and even during break :( but after school was fine and went to wcp with Yr and we studied for like 4 over hours! she left early while I stayed and waited for my mum and waited and did more stuff. It was productive so today is a good day! See.... I do study okay! Okay but I'm still so behind everything sheesh and this weekend is so busy busy busy. Argh I really don't like studying! And I've so much to do. Next week theres 2 spa 2 quizzes 1 panel discussion 1 timed trial. Week after is blocks. Oh no......And I am tired and I just want to sleep :/

I think tomorrow may be the last.

3

2011-07-21T22:24:00.002+08:00

Damn tired.

I think it's the sun, but anyway my eyes are closing already.

Today wasn't productive but I'm just tired and .... sleepy.

does everyone think I don't study or something....

sigh

I think

I'll be really lost after Sunday ..........................................

tired. bye.

2011-07-19T21:35:00.002+08:00

my thoughts are so distraught

scraped my knees

got hit by a ball

feeling so weird

relieved that the air is cleared

so much work to do now

where to start?

10

2011-07-18T22:01:00.004+08:00

It's 10pm and I'm alone at home and I watched the police show and now I'm so scared I don't dare to move from this chair. I don't dare to go into the room nor anywhere else but I need to get to the kitchen to get food to feed my dog and my parents are not answering the phone and I'm just all... alone. There's not a single movement or sound in this house it's freaking me out.

Long weekend and no school today; but I honestly didn't study a single thing at all wts. I don't really mind or whatever but when it finally hits me I will get really fed up at myself. Like. Now. But I'm too scared to move an inch.. well except my fingers to type this post. So freaking irritated now, how how how? It's kinda late to start on anything and I know I wouldn't get done with anything. Why don't I ever get scolded for not studying or something? No one really cares or whatever so I just.. let life go on, and now.........I'm like....... I don't know. I don't really know what to do now on.

This weekend sat sun morning softball afternoon eat and sleep. Watched hp7 today w 10 other sballers at Lido. Oh! Like 1/2 of the people cried! But! I fell asleep!! I was either really tired from waking up early everyday/ the seat was too comfy/ the aircon too shiok. The movie wasn't bad but I think I was just...tired. It was really comfortable. Haha. Had lunch, and intended to go like..some place to study after but I was too lazy and came home and.... ate. and slept. How wonderful.

I don't really know what to do tmr I hope it's not awkward or anything ~

Sigh c'mon got to do some work.

So disappointed in myself :(

RR

2011-07-16T19:58:00.002+08:00

rah just how timely it is that my boots should decide to break today and the sponge for my shinguards decide to tear and everything just.... okay nevermind. Actually I think my boots still can be used but it's quite stupid if I were to use it and it just breaks in the middle of something. went to get new boots just in case so I've to get used to it tomorrow, sigh.

I'm wasting my weekend away!

Oh no!

But I'm really tired now...and I need to sleep early tonight...

Why am I having a slight feverrrrrr :(

okay goodbye.

hopefully I can do some work then sleep:/

2011-07-14T21:14:00.002+08:00

Sigh it's supposed to be a really good day and all but I'm left here just feeling like.... :/ mehh. It's just one of those days where you don't seem to be satisfied with everything and throw a fit. I don't feel like doing anything so maybe I'll turn in early tonight, but I can't help feeling like... well... now how?It's so discouraging when it's just something you want to do but everyone justs... It's awkward which feels lousy enough and now you're making me feel like it's the wrong thing to do. I know studies should be priority but I just can't do it! Since when have I done exceptionally well- or even done well for that matter.I'm just so lost and confused now because I dont know what to do and I feel like stabbing myself because I'm just so darn selfish. Why oh why~ I don't know what to do now, sigh. I'm started to not regret my decision which is making me so fickle because for the past who knows how long I've been blaming myself because in starting to regret it. I don't know what to do on saturday- how am I supposed to decide? I'm torn between the two. One, I'd rather go to, but the other, I should go for it. But I may not even well.. This is depressing. Gonna need to buck up on my studies also and stuff. But that's quite hard because... Frankly what am I even doing in class now? I'm just daydreaming and stuff :/ what am I even thinking? Okay time for some self reflection and get on with life. If only today could have been a little more satisfying sigh. Stupid complacent fool :(

Let's not try to be something we're not part off.
Things don't work out that way.

Is It Wetter Underwater When It Rains?

2011-07-13T20:21:00.002+08:00

things have been pretty....

well I mean ....

like ....

asdfghjkl

2011-07-11T22:12:00.001+08:00

我是个胖猪我喜欢吃东西 ^^

I really don't wanna go to school tomorrow ~~~~~

RR

2011-07-10T18:57:00.005+08:00

So exhausted, fell asleep the moment I came home- been working on IH tp for close to 2hours now (and I'm only halfway done, and this is the first break I'm taking). Haven't completed the rest of my work either.

Today was kinda wasted. Oh well. I'll just train harder. But I lost all motivation though.

tired ;_;

Go

2011-07-09T20:56:00.003+08:00

I've been craving for just a macaroon for about more than a month now. All I need is just one!

Today was such a shitty day from the moment it started and up till now, I'm still wondering what went wrong!!! I keep complaining about everything, but I really wanna do something to change it :( Training felt s o l o u s y but ended up feeling so bad because I was rly insensitive to everyone else. Sorry.

okay I'm taking too long already, I'm so scared so scared so scared so lousy sian

can't finish my work can't play properly

tipped off a simple ball today and hit my head

aching all over and I dont know whats next

so scared;

bye

L o n g

2011-07-08T21:59:00.004+08:00

Have been coming to this page and creating a new post and typing it all out then deleting it right after.

It's been such a long week; I don't really know what I'm doing now.

This weekend's going to be really busy- just got home not too long ago and I'm really tired .. Tomorrow I'll have training and Sunday I'll be at Kallang for the match. Oh no!

Did something really r e a l l y dumb yesterday. Everything's solved now but I can't help but still feel so guilty about everything. You know, these sort of things didn't happen last time, I didn't use to be so muddle headed and now everything is just.. well.. I don't know. And cca stand down is like, next week? I'm not even sure what I'm going to do. It's already kinda lonely enough but my comps won't end just yet and I can't just sit at home hoping I'll play really well :( This is so frustrating. I know I don't want everything that I have right now with nysb to end but so what? Even stupid thoughts like retaining and whatever has popped up in my head enough already, but honestly it's really not as if it's that easy to promote in the first place. Although I've had so many regrets this year about so many things but it's all over already and there's nothing I can do now except,..appreciate it all right now and savour these memories before they're all over. All the really nice Saturday lunches. I've never really felt this way before, I guess it's just the people that make it all different.

How now brown cow?-

2011-07-03T21:30:00.001+08:00

if only I knew how to make people feel better

Weak(er)

2011-07-02T23:44:00.003+08:00

This week is almost over! I cannot describe how relieved I am like .. WHOAAAAZZZZ. okay no, just joking, I don't actually feel like that. Somehow it still feels as if nothing is over and I still have lots to do and to worry about.

Weird, isn't it? Wednesday Thursday was spent preparing for funfair, Friday was funfair and after that I went for training which almost killed myself. Was so damn tired I don't even know why. Was gonna go crazy so left a little early, couldn't even move properly because I was just so exhausted, and I haven't felt like that in awhile. After I dragged myself home, I had dinner alone and couldn't go to bed yet because there was still stuff unsettled:( Spent the night worrying so much about this morning and what not, and making myself scared and blah blah blah the list goes on.

The morning was bad because I felt so tired, like continued from yesterday. Got myself so worried, but kinda glad it finished quite fast. Then I had a nice lunch with my jnr and settled other stuff but it was quite fun I'm so glad that I finally have some time to enjoy life a little.

Can't believe this week is almost over *_* and I need to stop falling sick so often ladeedum. Glad I managed to sign my report book on Wednesday night:/ Took me forever to dare to get it out to sign oh man. And everything's been so chaotic!!! asdfghjkl okay this is bad, rly bad. why am I such a lousy leader??? I want to play I want to playyyyy~~~

The week's been pretty tiring, honestly.

Goodnight.

2011-06-28T21:59:00.003+08:00

going to seclude myself argh

RR

2011-06-28T20:55:00.002+08:00

Okay gonna make this quick before I waste my time doing something else. Like eating bread. I love bread.

School's been quite crappy and I really can't wait for this week to be over! Even the weekend is going to be quite a torture I'm so scared! So I can't wait for it to be over! I haven't been training properly just like kinda wasting my time because I'm normally just roaming around and I feel so bad how should I help. So then my form has dropped dropped d r o p p e d. I really want to get my form back, and fast.

School work hasn't started piling up yet, but it probably will in the next few weeks. Changed seating arrangements and I'm still at the same spot behind so its okay~ Nowadays I'm just really irritable :( So frustrated and stressed over the many many things! Maybe after this week everything will be okay .. I hope so!

Just talked to my dad and can't help feeling so....guilty. I'm such a lousy daughter because they sort of already pin all their hopes on me, and I know it, even if they don't say it. And they really trust me to do everything and be totally independent. We get into fights but they don't like..scold me? Nobody scolds me I don't get it. OKAY NONONONO NOT GOING INTO THIS AGAIN.

:( I haven't even showed my parents my report book yet.

When The Sky Falls Down

2011-06-26T21:16:00.002+08:00

totally frustrated

t o t a l l y f r u s t r a t e d

do you get it :(

3

2011-06-24T23:17:00.003+08:00

3 more days till school reopens! I think I will have to do my homework at some ninja speed at night for the next two nights because I'll probably be out during the day :( quite frustrating to think about it really. I don't know what to do I don't have enough time right now to even try to prioritize anymore.

Funfair is on friday! So much prep to do before that, and only a week left. All the last minute meetings + ensuring everyone knows everything + my own class stall + all the other things!! Haven't completed my homework and of course, evidently far from my goal of doing some revision over this holidays.

Argh it's either some allergy or something I don't know about, but so itchy everywhere and it's quite irritating :( Hope it gets better by tomorrow morning. And, I don't really want to think about all the things that are going to happen in the near future anymore because there's no point thinking about it. If it has to come, so be it. It's actually quite possible to retain rather than move on but that's just being silly and escaping everything else.

NO NO NO NO NO NO

GOING TO STUDY HARD AND STUDY HARD

argh!

Why am I so irresponsible?

I hope I don't slump back into that state I was once in again.

Don't.

Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
'cause I've seen the dark side too

Suite Life

2011-06-22T18:07:00.001+08:00

Spent the last 3D2N at Changi Village Hotel with the batch! ^^

Although it was a just a Junior Suite in a really normal hotel I think it was sufficient for the 8 of us! Toilet was gigantic and the lock was very annoying haha.

Day1:

Checked in, checked out the toilet (haha), watched movies, bought snacks, ate dinner.

Parents were supposed to bring us to Cantina but it was closed so we settled for buffet at Saltwater but that's alright! Ended the day watching more movies, doing some homework, and playing charades.

Day2:

Buffet breakfast, then we cycled for 1h 35min + 1hr 55min to east coast park and back! The sun got so hot halfway so we sat down in Macs to just, talk. Dinner was at Changi Village and it was gooood :) Goreng pisang finally! W hokkien mee and carrot cake^^ then more raisins and cheeseballs and cereal back in the suite.

Oh. And we watched Scott Pilgrim before we went to bed. I didn't get the show! (even until now) So I fell asleep halfway....And honestly I have no idea what happened after I fell asleep (in the middle of nowhere) until I woke up this morning. AND. Sm keeps stealing water for us from the gym! Instead of from the neatly arranged rows she gets them from the cupboard. How smart is that? And housekeeping was totally !!?? when we asked for 5 additional bathing towels. "BURST? I THOUGHT IT WAS BLASTTT!" Funny moments.

Day3:

Breakfast nearby, then we went back to play Monopoly. I haven't played Monopoly for a r e a l l y long time! I don't even own a set. Or any board games for that matter. It ended off well while we literally ran down so that we could check out before 12pm.

I liked the sleepover I'm not sure about the rest. At least we spent 2.5 days together :) + we did a LITTLE work and a LITTLE exercise. Thank God Annette felt better and could join us on the second day, and for good weather so that we could cycle. Imagine if we got stranded in the middle of nowhere. And that we could fix Abby's bike. And, all sorts of things :) I think I'm a little spoilt because my mum is willing to let me do all this and on top of that, pay for it. I can be quite unappreciative, but really, thank you mum ily.

more photos next time~

1. don't know if I'm glad that I didn't apply, but at least. I got to enjoy the past 3 days? Instead of worrying over the test.

2. don't want tomorrow don't want tomorrow, so scared.

I have no time already aghhh okay bye

Refresh

2011-06-19T22:35:00.002+08:00

I went through my archives and I realized how ashamed I am of everything.

So here I am, going to start anew right now.

But just for reference:

30th May Monday: ~~Parent's flying off~~
31st May Tuesday: ~~Juniors Semi Finals~~
1st June Wednesday: ~~Chinese supp, Physics supp~~
2nd June Thursday: ~~Junior's match, Chinese supp, Physics supp~~
3rd June Friday: ~~Training, BOM meeting~~ YAY SO GLAD THIS DAY IS OVERR
4th June Saturday: ~~Training~~
-
6th June Monday: ~~Batch discussion~~
7th June Tuesday: ~~Training~~
-
9th June Thursday: ~~Training~~
10th June Friday: ~~Training~~
-
12th June Sunday: ~~Parent's Coming back~~
13th June Monday: ~~Training~~
14th June Tuesday: ~~Branch with C & C!~~
15th June Wednesday: ~~Training Camp~~
16th June Thursday: ~~Training Camp~~
17th June Friday: ~~Training Camp~~
18th June Saturday: ~~Church Fellowship day~~
-
20th June Monday: ~~Batch Sleepover~~

21st June Tuesday: ~~Batch Sleepover~~
22nd June Wednesday: ~~Batch Sleepover~~

23rd June Thursday: ~~Training~~
24th June Friday: ~~Asia Pacific Softball Games~~
25th June Saturday: Asia Pacific Softball Games
26th June Sunday: Asia Pacific Softball Games

back to school!

to be done:
-CME group work
-~~Chinese compo~~
-~~math int 3~~
-math matrices 1
-~~math rev 1~~
-math rev 2
-~~math rev 3~~ I don't know how to do half the qns..is it still counted
-bio as 5.1
-physics as 18.1
-physics as 19.1
-physics practical electricity quiz
-~~chem ws 11~~
-chem electrolysis quiz
-~~chinese baozhi ws~~
-~~chinese yyw~~
-~~chinese chengyu~~ haven't even memorised/learnt...
-~~IH sbq ws~~
-BOM stuff
-funfair class stuff
-~~plan training camp~~
-study IH (not gonna happen)
-study bio (not gonna happen)
-study chem (not gonna happen)
-study physics (THIS ONE IS A MUST.)
-do all the math stuff that I tagged that I didn't do 12345678

]

Monday

No

TWO

O

Mars

End of 2011

Supposedly

erschrocken

Oh, Donna

Aiyah. Really frustrated.

How should I begin

Sbinge Sbinge Sbinge Sbinge Sbinge

AIYOH

FULFILLING

Fan2

Really Maybe Surely

A Little Longer

X

Bitter

Leap

101111

Waffles, anyone?

EVERYONE HATES ME TODAY

LESS

S l o w down

Fast Forward

Deepavali

Crumpy

Queasy

Ever

Scared

"All fled- all done, so life me on the pyre; The feast is over, and the lamps expire"

Saturday

Garbage

Secret

So freaking pathetic

Paper Thin

T

weird day

Undskyld

If only

I heard you say

Just the two of us

Let's just go somewhere far away and never come back

Dusty Record

26

2

Bad Thoughts

Stars Collide

Just In Case

For Abigail,

Silhouettes In Sunsets

Aftermath

How?

What Day Is It Today?

am·ne·sia

RR

I'm so so sleepy but I have to do some work before sleeping or else I've no time at all

3

10

RR

Is It Wetter Underwater When It Rains?

RR

Go

L o n g

Weak(er)

RR

When The Sky Falls Down

3

Suite Life

Refresh